....

Jul. 21st, 2003 11:20 am
elfgrove: (Default)
My father died this morning.
I'll be on a flight to Huntsville 8:30 am tomorrow.
I think I'm supposed to be arriving at 1:30 - 2ish.

Ah...
Dammit....
Dammit Dammit...

Shindeiru

Jul. 6th, 2001 10:22 am
elfgrove: (You ask me one more question and I'm bea)
Dusty? Kris? Had you heard this yet?

I got quite a shock yesterday evening. Adam Allen came over to my house. When my brother and I greeted me at the door I smiled because it took a moment to recognize him between the baseball cap and new goatee. Then he gave me the most disturbing look, the same one my mom uses when she delievers news of a death.

"I've got some bad news, you'd better sit down." Oh gods. I bet my face looked terrified from those first five words. Two thoughts ran through my head. Oh no, Kelly's baby... He's dead... Or Kelly is... No. Oh no. So I was somewhat relieved, but still upset when I heard the actual news.

"Remember Brisco? He was shot in the back this morning. He's dead."
"What? Oh shit... Was it a gang thing or something?"
"No it was an argument with another guy over fireworks."
"No."
"Yeah."

As Adam suggested later, i'd hate to be the guy who shot Brisco when Henry catches up to him. Then again, the bastard deserves anything that's done to him. Short of getting off the hook.

I was in the same class in high school as Brisco. The thing I always will remember first about him, is on homecoming week our senior year, seeing him walk down the main hall wearing a fuzzy purple bathrobe over slacks and a white t-shirt, a hat that looked like it belonged in a gangster movie, aqnd carrying an old fashioned can, and walking in his version of a pimp step. He was always like that doing anything to make people smile or laugh. I didn't know him to well, and for some reason, I was always a little worried he and his buddies would end up in trouble with a gang, not members, but in trouble with one. Eerytime I heard someone talk about him, it seemed like despite his antics, he was a very nice guy. This sucks. To hear he's gone. Now my second thought of him is going to be, killed in an arguement over fireworks. The day after the first independence day of a new millenium. I hope the bastard who shot him gets properly punished.

I remember during my fall 2000 semester at college, getting a call to inform me some of my schoolmates had been shot. Over a stupid argument after the Hazel Green/Sparkman game. It was always a big rivalry, and there were often fist fights and scuffles between the students after the game, but a gun now... Brisco had only been shot in the calf then, and no one had died. Damnit. I still have an article on that saved in notepad on my computer. I guess i'm about to have another one. What the hell's wrong? The Huntsville/Hazel Green used to be a nice place to raise a family. Whast the hell's going on?

Brisco had joined the army. His parents had been afraid of losing him in there, instead they lose him when he's home for independence day. The world sucks...

Shindeiru is Japanese for dead.
An article with a picture is here.
elfgrove: (Default)
Those used to happen to me, right?

Feh.

Nice call came this evening while i was chatting online, "Hi Mom? What's going on?"
Yeah... My (Great) Aunt Jude just died... I didn't really know her too well. She's the grandmother of a cousin(?) who goes to my college as well. I might should try to find his number, call, check on him. I dunno...


..."I've been destined to live forever, although people are annihilated as the result. However, if I am able to die... To be or not to be, that makes no difference for me. My death is the only absolute freedom."
- Kaoru Nagisa, Neon Genesis Evangelion
elfgrove: (Default)
His words rang empty for me.
I let myself look up at the sky,
The sun beat down from above.

Not like last time,
.......... it rained then.
It should rain,
..........at things like this...

The sermon ended, some Easter.
Not that the holiday meant anything to me,
..........Well, except memories.


"Please move back so we can fill it in."
Cold stones on a perfectly manicured lawn.

I was almost the only one wearing black,
Even Mom wore only gray.


"Well, she changed after that Church of Scientology thing."
"She and I haven't been close for ages; I think she was crazy."

Crazy? How can you?
Mom tried to change the subject with photos of our dogs,
And Dad put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong with having a squirrel for a pet?"
She told my Dad in disgust, "Well its a wild animal!"
"I used to have a pet squirrel"
Their nervous laughter was hollow.
In a way, they just called my Dad crazy too.
"Well you were a kid, that was different!"
"Not really."

She wasn't crazy.

"She wasn't crazy..."
I'm whispering, I want to tell them off,
I'm not a Christian,
I believe in Unicorns too,
And Faeries, and UFOs,
She had reason to be scared of Y2K.


"She wasn't crazy."
I'm getting louder, but they haven't heard me yet.
What if it was me in the ground?
Would you be calling me crazy too?
How can you say those things?
Insensitive, close-minded assholes.
Maybe we should have a nice long talk.
Start with me being Pagan maybe?
Or that my soul is half-elf?


"She's not..."
"Let's go check on your little brother."

Always the lifesaver,
Thanks Dad.
I'm not equipped to handle them right now anyway.
I just lost my favorite cousin.

"Okay... She wasn't crazy."
"I know. They would probably think you and I are crazy too."
"I know."

"My brother, Butch, said there are two kinds of people,
There are the eagles,
Who fly high above the earth
And look down and see and learn about everything, like us;
And then there's the moles,
They just want to sit in the dirt
With their heads in their little holes, and never see anything."

"I like that saying.
I'd really like to read Uncle Butch's notebooks one day."
"We'll see if we can get them.
I think Butch would've really liked you."


By: Lycorne

Just a synopsis of my 2nd cousin Fay's funeral this Easter.
This little poem is dedicated to both my parents and my little brother who are Eagles, and the Eagles we've lost to Death, especially Fay and Butch.
elfgrove: (Default)
Hah.
Yeah right...


I'm currently in a mode of thinking where telling the gods to go screw themselves sounds like one of my better options.

I know I shouldn't do that though.

But gods... I don't know right now... I'm hurt and sad and angry right now. And I don't know what to do with these feelings...

I just lost a second family member in a single month. She was found dead in her home friday morning <03-29-2001>. She had been dead for at least 10 days. We have no idea what killed her. The body was in such bad shape we have no option for burial except cremation.

The person my mom had to hear this from was my back-stabbing bastard of an aunt, who was more concerned by the fact that my cousin didn't have a will than that she was dead. Bitch. Why not you? If someone had to die, why not you?

My cousin was only 12 years older than my mom, and her birthday would've been this June.

She was my favorite cousin too. Only other unicorn freak, believer in magic, and conspiracy theorist in the family on mom's side. She was the only one I could relate to on certain things in that family.


I didn't find out until saturday morning. Mom didn't want to ruin my day out with my friends. She cried as she told me, so I didn't. I haven't. I can't. Someone has to be strong. I won't put that on my mother's shoulders. She's lost too much recently.

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