elfgrove: (look)
Mmmm... Pinched nerve -or something- yay. I have an old scar in my right eyebrow. From a water gun fight. That's right, my face is permanently scarred from a water gun battle with my little brother. I was winning up until the point I got that though. XD I think leaving the field with half your face covered in blood makes you the loser even if you were the only one with water left. He ran out of water, I didn't. I kept shooting. He lost his temper and threw his only remaining ammo at me. Water gun meet skull. Head wounds bleed a lot. Cue panicked mother and hospital trip. (Subsequently, this scar is why it's tricky for me to get my eyebrows waxed, if its done wrong, that scar becomes very obvious, because it's a small number of hairs that only barely cover this slash across the lower half of the brow.)

Anyhoo, the old scar gets this pinched feeling sometimes, and any pressure in that vicinity of my head results in very small sharp pains right around the location of the scar. So it's doing that now.
*pokes at scar* It's just a very odd sensation.

Yes, random. I just felt like sharing.

So, anybody else have scars with silly stories behind them?
elfgrove: (Default)
What is the point when you're no longer innocent? When are you no longer that sweet child that looked at the person next to you on the street and couldn't even dream that they might not be nice... Or maybe I'm just asking when you stopped being a child. What was the turning point in your life when you honestly no longer saw yourself as a child? I'm not talking about typical teenage anger yelling, "I'm not a kid anymore!" ... Or maybe I am... I don't really know.

I suppose innocence is most often considered to be lost with virginity, but I think people stop being innocent of the world long before that now. Is it the first time you see violence? The first time you see a dead person? That moment you comprehend mortality? The first time you live away from your parents? The time when the all important question of "why?" has an inappropriate time to be asked? When you know to keep your mouth shut about something? When your parents stop being perfect? When your dad is no longer invincible? When kisses stop making things "all better"? When Scooby Doo talking stops making perfect sense (without believing that the writer intended it to appear that the entire group on the show was on drugs)?
The movie "The Crow" suggested that you're an adult the moment you know you're going to die.
John J. Plomp said "You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers."

Honestly I don't know, I really just want opinions I think. A day or two ago, my parents were complaining about "the kids'" behavior on our trip to Gatlinburg. (My little brother and his friend were monsters.) And I looked at them and said something to the effect of how I loved being automatically grouped in as part of the problem when Chi misbehaved. My parents then told me they didn't consider me as falling in the kids grouping anymore. I never thought I hear them say that.
That's why I've been thinking about it. I realized I've been saying phrases like, "when I was little" or "when I was a kid" for years now. It's strange. I can't help but think when did that turning point come? How did I miss it? Heh. Things change under our noses and we never think about it until it's gone. I think my turning point came around six years ago now. Things stopped being simple, my actions suddenly had a lot of consequences, and that thin line between life and death was very very much a real thing... I don't know.
elfgrove: (Default)
I just came home from a weeklong trip up to Gatlinburg. I like it there. My family buys swords when we go there. I like swords. Swords are good.

I had had a feeling that I would find a really great sword this trip even though I haven't seen a sword that I just absolutely feel head over heels drooling for in a couple of years. Yes, I am a sad case. I will drool over a sword more easily than a boy. What can I say, I grew up around swords, and I adore them. My instinct was right. Before we actually checked into our cabin, we stopped by the Knife Works museum/sword warehouse type place. I found the sword. Ooh... I love the sword... It's a tai chi with a wooden hilt and sheath and a Damascus blade. *^_^* I went and found my parental units and stood with them as we looked over the medieval swords then lead them over to the martial arts display area where the tai chi was and pointed out the sword to them. My parents liked it too. And they knew I was absolutely in love, they know me well. So we got help so we could see how much it cost. Oh, boy... expensive... Guess why? It was made to actually be useable, not just for show. Ooh, I wanted it even more. But I behave in front of the sales people, if they know you want it badly; they charge you an arm and a leg. We left and came back a couple of days later. We had all intentions of buying it, but it turned out the sword in the display was the last of it's kind, and they weren't getting in any more, ever. The sheath was a little messed up. I had to stand quietly and emotionlessly as my dad searched the sword for any flaws and pointed them out disapprovingly to the sales staff and suggested a markdown was in order. He went to find a manager saying the best we were likely to get was 10% off. As the guy left, dad gave the smile that let me know we would get it markdown or no. It was just a little trouble with the scabbard, and he liked the sword too. We got $50 off. I'm not sure what percentage that comes to, but it's more than 10. So happy little L-chan has a new sword.

I got a few other things including a blue kung fu uniform a heavy steel training ring, and an airbrush tee of Trunks from DBZ, I had them do a new design for me, looks awesome, I'll scan in a pic later.

Three days into our trip, we changed cabins. Some weird working in the scheduling when we made plans caused us to have to rents two cabins for the trip. The first one was way, way up a steep foothill. I would say mountain, but I've hiked in the Smokies before, it wasn't a mountain. The second one was 1000 walking feet from the main strip, which would've been really cool, except for one minor detail they decided not to tell us until after we paid for the cabin. There was a bear problem. My little brother has a huge bear phobia, and I like to keep a safe distance from wild animals, I respect their territory. This wasn't just a bear; it was a mama, with cubs. And yeah, they come right up on the deck. JOY.

My brother and his friend, Dan-chan, who came on the trip with us didn't know about the bears when we lead them to the cabin. We were in two cars and Mums, Dads, and I had gone and gotten the cabin while the boys laser-tagged. We wanted to avoid telling them for as long as possible, lest my brother go in fetal-position panic a-la Cloud from FF7. But once we got the bags inside, and I was moving bags into ppl's respective rooms, I saw Little brother and Dan out back wandering down the bear trails that lead to the river. I thought the bears wouldn't really come out until dark, but I didn't want to take chances. I asked them to help me move bags to rooms first, and thankfully Dan was being helpful, and BJ reluctantly followed. As we came upstairs to get bags, I loudly announced that the boys had been headed off on the trails out behind the cabin, we had been warned that there were trails leading down to the river that the bears used. Mom sat both boys down and explained as I finished transporting bags. They were pissed. So was I. BJ was scared. I do not blame him. A couple of minutes later an approximately 80 pound yearling came up on the patio to investigate the trash cans. We all watched through the floor to ceiling glass doors and windows that cover way-to much of the wall space to make me feel comfortable cursing as the bear looked back at us with no trace of fear or shyness towards humans. He walked all around the house, on my brother's and my cars, even balancing to walk around the railings on the deck, letting us know that there wasn't a place it couldn't reach around the cabin. I am surprised my little brother didn't go into a whimpering blob in the corner. I think he's stronger for the overall situation, but still, very not cool on the part of the rental company to not tell us. A few hours later two of my aunts and one of my uncles arrived in Gatlinburg, they were staying with us for 3 days, and Mom and dad went to fetch them. As they arrived back, we had to yell out the door to stay in their car. Mama bear was sniffing the trashcans now and she had 5 very little babies with her. These babies were smaller than my little dog. So we had to manage our schedule for the next four days being careful not to meet our 7 friendly bears up close and personal. Poor Uncle Ken was sitting out on the deck relaxing while the rest of us were in town on the second day when the yearling, which we ended up nicknaming Ralph, came within an arms length distance of him. Uncle Ken got inside with out incident, but he had shit scared out of him.

But anyways, now I'm back, and I have to catch up with online stuff, particularly my e-mail... which has 57 new at current. Ai yai yai..... So if you're expecting a reply soon, cut me a little slack, I'm tired. I've also tried to speed-read trough most everyone's journal entries. And I'm not going to do any better playing catch up than I already have. I'm really sorry to see Dusty and Nephychu leaving LJ. Bye guys. When I get the film developed, I should have some cute pics of Ralph, assuming the glare wasn't too bad through the glass.

Tired....

Jun. 16th, 2001 08:45 pm
elfgrove: (You ask me one more question and I'm bea)
Reunions... Tiring... I think... i'm sunburned... All people i've never met before in my life.... Except dad's brother, two sisters, and one sister's son, daughter-in-law, and their son.

Uncle Ken... looks so different from how he did when I was young... Ever since his stroke he looks weaker and thinner everytime I see him. But he still smokes and drinks beer as much as he ever did... Mom commented that she wasn't sure he had the will to live anymore... I hate to admit it, but I think she's right... We've lost so many family members recently...

I've been tired all day. Get offline soon.
elfgrove: (Default)
Those used to happen to me, right?

Feh.

Nice call came this evening while i was chatting online, "Hi Mom? What's going on?"
Yeah... My (Great) Aunt Jude just died... I didn't really know her too well. She's the grandmother of a cousin(?) who goes to my college as well. I might should try to find his number, call, check on him. I dunno...


..."I've been destined to live forever, although people are annihilated as the result. However, if I am able to die... To be or not to be, that makes no difference for me. My death is the only absolute freedom."
- Kaoru Nagisa, Neon Genesis Evangelion
elfgrove: (Default)
His words rang empty for me.
I let myself look up at the sky,
The sun beat down from above.

Not like last time,
.......... it rained then.
It should rain,
..........at things like this...

The sermon ended, some Easter.
Not that the holiday meant anything to me,
..........Well, except memories.


"Please move back so we can fill it in."
Cold stones on a perfectly manicured lawn.

I was almost the only one wearing black,
Even Mom wore only gray.


"Well, she changed after that Church of Scientology thing."
"She and I haven't been close for ages; I think she was crazy."

Crazy? How can you?
Mom tried to change the subject with photos of our dogs,
And Dad put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong with having a squirrel for a pet?"
She told my Dad in disgust, "Well its a wild animal!"
"I used to have a pet squirrel"
Their nervous laughter was hollow.
In a way, they just called my Dad crazy too.
"Well you were a kid, that was different!"
"Not really."

She wasn't crazy.

"She wasn't crazy..."
I'm whispering, I want to tell them off,
I'm not a Christian,
I believe in Unicorns too,
And Faeries, and UFOs,
She had reason to be scared of Y2K.


"She wasn't crazy."
I'm getting louder, but they haven't heard me yet.
What if it was me in the ground?
Would you be calling me crazy too?
How can you say those things?
Insensitive, close-minded assholes.
Maybe we should have a nice long talk.
Start with me being Pagan maybe?
Or that my soul is half-elf?


"She's not..."
"Let's go check on your little brother."

Always the lifesaver,
Thanks Dad.
I'm not equipped to handle them right now anyway.
I just lost my favorite cousin.

"Okay... She wasn't crazy."
"I know. They would probably think you and I are crazy too."
"I know."

"My brother, Butch, said there are two kinds of people,
There are the eagles,
Who fly high above the earth
And look down and see and learn about everything, like us;
And then there's the moles,
They just want to sit in the dirt
With their heads in their little holes, and never see anything."

"I like that saying.
I'd really like to read Uncle Butch's notebooks one day."
"We'll see if we can get them.
I think Butch would've really liked you."


By: Lycorne

Just a synopsis of my 2nd cousin Fay's funeral this Easter.
This little poem is dedicated to both my parents and my little brother who are Eagles, and the Eagles we've lost to Death, especially Fay and Butch.
elfgrove: (Default)
Hah.
Yeah right...


I'm currently in a mode of thinking where telling the gods to go screw themselves sounds like one of my better options.

I know I shouldn't do that though.

But gods... I don't know right now... I'm hurt and sad and angry right now. And I don't know what to do with these feelings...

I just lost a second family member in a single month. She was found dead in her home friday morning <03-29-2001>. She had been dead for at least 10 days. We have no idea what killed her. The body was in such bad shape we have no option for burial except cremation.

The person my mom had to hear this from was my back-stabbing bastard of an aunt, who was more concerned by the fact that my cousin didn't have a will than that she was dead. Bitch. Why not you? If someone had to die, why not you?

My cousin was only 12 years older than my mom, and her birthday would've been this June.

She was my favorite cousin too. Only other unicorn freak, believer in magic, and conspiracy theorist in the family on mom's side. She was the only one I could relate to on certain things in that family.


I didn't find out until saturday morning. Mom didn't want to ruin my day out with my friends. She cried as she told me, so I didn't. I haven't. I can't. Someone has to be strong. I won't put that on my mother's shoulders. She's lost too much recently.

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