elfgrove: (Default)
Here's a challenge for myself and for all my LJ friends.:
Once a week, at least, take a quote and give your thoughts on it. Everyone can do the same quote or we can all do different ones. I just think it will make for a fun exercise. There's really no real reason to do it.
here's a good place to grab a quote: http://www.angelfire.com/mt/quotez/

Here's my quote this week:
"What fun is destruction if no 'precious' lives are lost?" -- Kefka, Final Fantasy III

As disturbing as most would consider the quote, it really makes a ceratain kind of sense. If something is destroyed, but nothng of any worth is destroyed, was anything really destroyed? That's how people act sometimes.
Think about it. When the WTC fell, a lot of people in other countries did not care. Yes people died, and it was sad. But to them, nothing precious was lost, so it was as though nothing had been destroyed.
Natural diasters destroy homes, and we've watched violence and death on tv for years now. I'm not talking movie or show death, I mean real people dying. Both in our own country and far away. We stop for a second and adknowledge that it's sad, and go on with life. We don't really feel anything for what's been destroyed because nothing precious to us was destroyed. As far as you can tell for us, there might as well have been nothing destoyed at all.
I don't mean we should lament for days over every death or that everyone should be outraged about the WTC thing. That is unreasonable. The fact is the lack of caring, is not unreasonable. It's really proper to not really react when what is lost holds no meaning for us. It makes for an interesting observation is all.
elfgrove: (Default)
How strange things are.
I thought that college would change me.
I wasn't completely wrong. College has changed me. I'm more mature and more open than I was a year and a half ago, but no more so than I would've been were I still in high school. I've changed, but I'm still within the path of change for myseld that i've been on for a while now.
It's strange.
I'm hanging out with a whole new group of people, yet it's still the same in ways.

There's three basic group of people I hang out with.
In high school:
There were the people I hung out with in class. We had nothing in common except being generally good people and good students. (read: we were the "brains", the kids you worked with in groups because they were smart and would do all the work.) Very few of them saw me outside of class.
There were my "real friends", the people who shared my beliefs and world veiws, or were at least sympathetic to them. These were the kids who hung out with me outside of class. We were troublemakers occasionally, loud as a group, rebels when it suited, and outcasts always. These were the ones I felt actually gave a shit about me in the long run. We were jokingly known to each other as "The Crackhall Group"; private jokes, don't worry, no real drugs involved... well not for all of us, and not around me.
There were also the people I knew vaguely. I called them friend, but I was never sure why. We hung out occasionally. United Way events, band kids, between classes, one or two football games, etc. I never expected to see any of them again in my life.
Then there were my truest friends. The ones who I was attached to from the instant I met them. Soulmates of a kind. I could tell them damn near anything. That, is a very tiny group. They were pulled from my other friends groupings. That doesn't exactly count towards the basic three though.
There were other friends, and some overlaped, but i'm trying to genralize.



........I'll finish later..........
elfgrove: (Default)
I do not know myself too well these days. Once upon a time, when I was younger and more vain, I thought I knew myself; I thought I knew many things. If I know anything now, it is that I, as well as most other people, are often wrong. But because I am often wrong, that may be wrong too. So I will not hold myself to strictly to my opinions. But for now, what I believe, I will believe with all my being, even if it becomes wrong later. For I find it is too hard to live without believing in your thoughts.

I look within myself and find that other self. The one that is me, yet is not me. There are other mes within this shell as well. But there a separate ways of looking at them.

There are the mes that are the masks that I wear out in the world. The world has so many people, and so many ways of acting and believing, that for each person I met, or each grouping, a new mask was created. The masks are a sort of one-way mirror. They mirror what that person wants or needs me to be for them from my view of their needs and desires as far as I am willing to mirror their will. Yet it is not completely a mirror, as I said it is one-way, And I look through it at them, at whatever form of mask, and as deeply into that mask as I am able to see. And a little piece of me is seen through the one-way mirror, a shadow of myself plays upon the surface of the mask. And I sit within myself, looking at my masks, taking chisel and polish, constantly reforming and destroying, refining the masks that I wear. Because my masks are designed to serve the people I know, and to serve them properly, the masks must be constantly altered to match the changes in those they serve. And the longer a mask exists, the thinner, and the closer the mask becomes to being the inner self that carves and wears the masks.

And as I sit, chiseling and polishing away at the mes that are masks of myself, I listen to the main or inner self. The part that is the me formed by the culmination of my masks, and the effects of wearing the masks, and knowing people in this world. The people of this world, it's society, my masks, form the self that carefully sits and carves the masks, that is very close to the true self or perhaps it is my true self. That me is shadowed on every mask it carves, that is the me that wears the masks and peers through, trying to take care of and protect the world from everything. This is the me that controls everything within myself, it is the main self that knows and connects all other selfs.

And as that main self sits and carves and chisels my masks, it converses with my other self. And perhaps this other self is my true self. The other self has been there from the beginning of everything. Unlike the masks, which exist only as long as they are necessary for the intended person that the mask is made for, and have only existed as long as that person has known me, the other self has always existed. Unlike the inner self in that while I am not sure if the inner self has always existed or not, the inner self changes somewhat with the masks, taking on some of the qualities of every mask, the other self does not change. The other self only grows stronger or weaker in influence. Not long ago, I kept the other self strongly chained and caged, and rarely spoke to it as I carved the masks. I feared the other self, because it was truer to my heart and wishes than the main self, thus I felt I had to hide and bind it for the safety of the main self. I still cannot find some of the keys to remove all the chains that bind the other self, but I converse with and listen to the other self far more often these days. The inner and the other self discuss everything they have learned in their lives. And the inner self evolves as it converses, growing stronger and more like the other self. And as it grows stronger, it carves more of the masks thinner than it usually would, and more of it's shadow plays upon the surfaces of the masks. And the chains on the other self grow consistently weaker as it converses, for it grows stronger in the conversations.

But I still fear the other self to the inner self somewhat. For I think the other would destroy the inner if it could. The other is cold and often nearly emotionless inside it's own shell. And within that shell beats memories and strong emotions repressed due to those memories. The memories are of another life, one I have not experienced in this life, and formed a stronger more distant self, who still protected everyone, but at the same time... The other self is cold for its knowledge of war, pain, killing and death is thorough. But it is far stronger and has more power from the knowledge of another place and time. And the inner self is less cold, and boasts less raw power and experience, but in it's way is a shadow of the other self.

So I am a shadow of no telling how many shadows. For if myself now is the shadow of a past self, it the past self a shadow of yet another past self?
elfgrove: (Default)
What is the point when you're no longer innocent? When are you no longer that sweet child that looked at the person next to you on the street and couldn't even dream that they might not be nice... Or maybe I'm just asking when you stopped being a child. What was the turning point in your life when you honestly no longer saw yourself as a child? I'm not talking about typical teenage anger yelling, "I'm not a kid anymore!" ... Or maybe I am... I don't really know.

I suppose innocence is most often considered to be lost with virginity, but I think people stop being innocent of the world long before that now. Is it the first time you see violence? The first time you see a dead person? That moment you comprehend mortality? The first time you live away from your parents? The time when the all important question of "why?" has an inappropriate time to be asked? When you know to keep your mouth shut about something? When your parents stop being perfect? When your dad is no longer invincible? When kisses stop making things "all better"? When Scooby Doo talking stops making perfect sense (without believing that the writer intended it to appear that the entire group on the show was on drugs)?
The movie "The Crow" suggested that you're an adult the moment you know you're going to die.
John J. Plomp said "You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers."

Honestly I don't know, I really just want opinions I think. A day or two ago, my parents were complaining about "the kids'" behavior on our trip to Gatlinburg. (My little brother and his friend were monsters.) And I looked at them and said something to the effect of how I loved being automatically grouped in as part of the problem when Chi misbehaved. My parents then told me they didn't consider me as falling in the kids grouping anymore. I never thought I hear them say that.
That's why I've been thinking about it. I realized I've been saying phrases like, "when I was little" or "when I was a kid" for years now. It's strange. I can't help but think when did that turning point come? How did I miss it? Heh. Things change under our noses and we never think about it until it's gone. I think my turning point came around six years ago now. Things stopped being simple, my actions suddenly had a lot of consequences, and that thin line between life and death was very very much a real thing... I don't know.
elfgrove: (SMILE  ^_^)

I am a Warrior.
The cause for which I fight is True and Just.
I stand in the path of my Enemy,
Against the harm that would come to those I protect.
I shall not waver.
As a stone against the torrent of a Great River,
Which flows with the blood of those who have fallen.
Enemies, Compatriots, and Friends.

I am a Warrior.
The cause for which I fight is True and Just.
Though there are those that would condemn me,
That I would take the life of my enemy to save that of another,
I shall not waver.
I do not regret the strength of my convictions.
I regret only that my enemy is equally strong in his.
And so, I stand in the River.

I am a Warrior.
The cause for which I fight is True and Just.
If I should fall in the act of my duty
I pray those I love understand and respect my sacrifice.
I shall not waver.
For those of us willing to stand against Evil
Do so not for ourselves, but for those we leave behind.
May they take up the fight as well.

I am a Warrior.
The cause for which I fight is True and Just.
When the time comes that the River should consume me,
That my blood shall join and flow with those who have come before,
I shall not waver.
For then another shall rise and take my place,
To bar the path of the Enemy, and fight for the cause.
Thus, the River, and the Stone, go on.


- Soke Brannon L. Bain (Founder of Tasu Maru Ryu Bujutsu


Isn't that beautiful?
hmm.. ^_^ I absolutely adore it. Came from Tiarna's Elven Lair: Heart Of Forest
elfgrove: (Default)
"I would fear something that thinks it can destroy an army singlehandedly much more than another army."
- Marle -
"Chrono Trigger Dimensions Ch. 36" a fanfic by Jerm

Warriors, Warriors we call ourselves. we fight for splendid virtue , for high endeavor, for sublime wisdom, therefore we call ourselves "Warriors"
- Kelly Thomas -

"Our lives to ourself are almost meaningless. The ones around us, the ones we struggle to protect are all that matter to us. We know our lives, we'd sacrifice it to keep them safe and happy from the harm we struggle to fight."
- Dusty X -

"Warriors are a dying breed... not because they are in the wrong time or place, but because their efforts are so isolated. Our society dislikes disturbances, and warriors are certainly a disturbance; thus their efforts are suppressed. The result is that individual warriors never get the chance to join with groups of warriors, and so they surrender all hope to what seems an insurmountable task.

There are many changes that need to be made in the world, and many causes that need the energy and passion that warriors bring. All that remains is for those warriors with a common vision to find a way to unite in their struggle. That alone could revive them from the slow death that they are suffering."

- Dream Spiral -

"In order to protect the ones we love, surely that is why we came to be born. If we don't have love, if we aren't strong, we can't learn to be gentle."
- Kris Conner -

"you can become a mercenary ... and that's where you can really let your warrior instinct fly."
- Iniach -

"None the less, there are more ways to be a warrior than following the orders of a single country. The difference, IMHO, between a warrior and a soldier lies in the heart. A soldier follows orders, whether to protect or destroy, live or die, on the command, on the heart of another person. A warrior follows their own path and their own heart, and simply cannot afford to die."
- Lycorne -



To take the Webster's definition, we find:

soldier - (sôl'jer) [solde coin, pay]
1. A person serving in an army; member of an army
2. a) an enlisted person, as distinguished from one holding a warrant or commission b) any low-ranking member of a Mafia family
3. One who has military experience or military skill
4. A person who works zealously for a specified cause

warrior - (wôr'yer) [werr war¹]
A person taking part or experienced in conflict
esp. war; soldier

war¹ - (wôr) [werran to confuse]
1. Open armed conflict between countries or two factions within the same country
2. Any active hostility, contention, or struggle; conflict [the war against disease]
3. [Obs.] A battle


Taken from Webster's New World Dictionary: Third College Edition


Interesting... They see a soldier as a form of a warrior... But to look at the root words that became those terms... money or pay (soldier) versus war (warrior) which is rooted in confusion (war)...

For me, a warrior is someone willing to do anything to protect people. Including sacrifice their own lives. A warrior does not have any care for who the person is, where they're from, or what they believe... A warrior exists to protect lives, and ways of life... The right to exist... They protect the ideals held dear in their hearts. They fight to prevent destruction. Kill in order to save the innocent from death. Of course, that creates a dilemma of the heart, in that they must destroy in order to protect.

Because a warrior's life is dedicated to protecting and upholding the lives of others, they have trouble becoming close to others for fear of the warrior's way of existing causing harm to anyone they may care for. But they do care for people, it is impossivble for them not to. What is more common is a lack of care for one's self. A dryness of emotion in regard to their own life. Because they exist to protect at any cost, their own life holds little meaning. But they cannot kill themselves, because they cannot chose their death. They exist to protect, and cannot give up life, without giving up the drive to protect those around them.

In my eyes, a soldier is one who follow's another's ideals, another person's heart to battle. They take and carry out orders with expectation of compensation. They fight to protect yes, but they care only for the ideals and protection of their own country, their own people. They fight as a job, rarely as a way of life and heart.


In the end, I think that perhaps when it comes down to it, being a soldier is a choice, an action to be performed. Meanwhile, a warrior is a way of life, a piece of one's personality, something that is part of you from the day you are born until the day you die. While the two are not wholely incompatable, a warrior who works as a soldier must at some point in time face a point where their heart knows one path to follow, and their orders demand another. Being true to the warrior path will cause problems for the job, but following the soldier's path, could break the warrior's spirit. Ultimately, the conflict could cause more harm than good.


This is not as articulate as I would like it to have been, but I hope it makes some sense.

Today...

Jun. 15th, 2001 09:40 pm
elfgrove: (SMILE  ^_^)
I went to see Atlantis with Randi this afternoon. It was great! I love it! We noted some interesting connections about the use of a star and that a few theories say the Atlantians were the "Star People" mentioned in other cultures. Aliens, who brought all kinds of technology to this world. Also, the use of spirals and circles was so predominant in the city. Have you noticed how every culture builds a lot of things around circles or circular cycles? Almost every religious symbol involves a circle: Celtic knots, the pentagram, circle of life, the list goes on... I had really already thought of the entire circles and cycles thing years ago, but it was great seeing it hit Randi for the first time. Was I that happy when I made the connection? I dunno. Hmmm... Connections are fun...

On the drive back we enjoyed the thunderstorm moving in and talked about the puzzles life presents. Randi commented that you're always getting little pieces to the the big puzzle, and by the time you can put it all together, it's too late. She continued to say that it was so great that everything was coming together so ewell the last couple of days. I had to agree with her a lot of stuff seems to be coming together recently. Don't you think so? Jenni, Dusty? I added, "Makes you wonder if it's really too late and we just don't know it yet."

Anyhow, I continued on to dojo after that. I was 30 minutes late. ^^;; We worked on the basic nine and 1st dragon as well as panther claw. ^_^ Elm says i'm getting good. *happiness* When we were going into a katta set after working on panther, Elm decided to do a random test by moving an arm towards me in a crane attack. I caught it with a panther claw block and brought my other hand in a punch at his chest/face area without really thinking about it. He fell back against "Mr. Bag" hard enough to slam it into the wall. I turned and started katta without really realizing what I had done. Strange for me who would usually spend five minutes apologizing for something like that. The phone rang, and Elm went to get it.

As I did katta, it felt as though I had broken my pinky on the punching hand, it felt like a splinter of bone was on the outside of the pinky and had been pushed up one knuckle length. Very painful. I went over to the green mat, panicked saying something was wrong with my hand even as Elm was telling me it was Randi on the phone for me. I think I scared Elm. Hell, I was scared, and trying to determine for sure whether or not it was broken. Elm told Randi he'd call her back and got me to describe the pain and told me it wasn't broken, it was a reaction to the attack on him a moment earlier. Apparently one of my nerves, one connected to the heart chakra, was freaking out because I had just launched a chi blast at Elm, and it had come out through my pinky. It's happened to him before. The pain went away with his prescribed reaction, so my thought now is, "I gotta learn to control that!" Heh, I'm excited at the prospect.

But it kind of explains my reaction and thoughts, or lack there of. I'm used to random attacks astrally... Doing a quick energy blast to get rid of the attacker and continuing without much thought or reaction to what I've done is a conditioned reaction. I guess it hurts to do that on fellow humans without being properly prepared. Not to mention I had just charged a ton of energy from the thunderstorm outside. So it was a lot to be releasing all of a sudden, since I wasn't being terribly careful.

Oh. And no, no Shadow Walker today. Since the local wind spirit has been a good friend for so long, and my fav thing to do has been creating storms, 'Walkers tend to avoid me during storms around here.
elfgrove: (SMILE  ^_^)
journal_jar
If the world was full of nothing but geniuses, how long would religion last? If it continued to exist, what religion would survive? Why?

Okay. I'm the first to admit... I don't know much about all the various religions. There's so many it's hard to know about them all. I am trying to learn though. If for no other reason than the fact that my current beliefs have yet to find a match. I'm happy there though.

I guess I ought to define what a genius is, but for my purposes, I'm going to say a genius is someone with a high IQ who prefers to look at something from a purely logical point of view. I know that's not always true, but, hey this is for the sake of the thought process I intended.

As far as the theoretical world of geniuses. I give religion in general a generation, maybe two or three, before it goes *POOF* ands disappears. I think that first generation will still go through the motions and rituals, spout the ideas out of tradition more so than anything else. As they present it to their children, they'll sit down and hash out the reasoning where the logical little genius children for the most part will not accept it. I give it a possible second and third generation to weed out the last of the people doing it out of tradition.

I'm not really anti religion, but the thing is, a lot of the beliefs, when questioned from a purely logical perspective, demand a bit more blind trust than someone who thinks in a purely logical manner would like.
elfgrove: (SMILE  ^_^)
If the world was full of nothing but geniuses, how long would religion last? If it continued to exist, what religion would survive? Why?

Any opinions out there?

[My Thoughts]
elfgrove: (Default)
I know not what else to say. I was wandering through Dusty's friend list and came across Neph's latest post. It intrigued me. It certainly makes you think.

So I pose a question:

What is the good in humanity?
What is the bad in humanity?
What should be destroyed to fix humanity?

Any ideas out there?
elfgrove: (StoneHenge)
In magic there is a theory (The Law of Infinite Universes) that "says that there are an infinite number of ways by which to view the universe and therefore, again by the Law of Pragmatism, there are an infinite number of universes. This law is a result of the Law of Infinite Data. With infinite data, you get infinite ways to manipulate the patterns and meta-patterns of that data, probably a higher order of infinity, but leave that to the mathematicians. A point to consider: You are made up of billions and billions of different atoms and molecules in an unique energy pattern. If even one atom changes, so do you. In fact while reading this sentence you did. Several millions of atoms were inhaled and exhaled: several billions of your cells did their thing, some breaking down and others building up. You are not the same person you were 10 seconds ago, and though your meta-pattern keeps you from noticing it, your mind has changed as well. Brain cells have died, and others have stored the sensations from all over your body--these very words are changing you. Only the saving conservatism of your meta-pattern allows you to retain an identity. No one is ever the same... In a way, we all live in different universes. Remember, your universe depends on your sensations and how you classify them. The former is a matter of physical equipment; the latter, of your cognitive organization. Change either one and you move to a different universe."


Okay. I do have a point here. Re-read te bolded portion. This law basically means that if you can not just believe, but know, that you can do something, you can do it. There's an argument in regards to it that says the reason you don't see kids [i'm choosing kids because they don't really understand the laws of physics yet] running around shooting fire from their fingertips or flying through the air is because the disbelief on the part of everyone else makes it impossible to break these laws because the belief against breaking them is so strong.

When no one is watching, in theory, you can fly, if you really believe you can, because no one is there for their beliefs to affect the laws around you. Anyone ever watch Mystery Men? This is the same theory that made it possible for that one guy to become invisible but only when no one was watching.

If we put all the people who not just believe but know that magic is real, would magic become something stronger and more potent because there was no one to not believe in it? Could I fly then? Could I form a ball of lightning between my hands? Could I watch a unicorn heal someone by thrusting their horn through the heart?

Damn you people who's beliefs confine my abilities...

December 2011

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