Dreaming....
Sep. 13th, 2003 12:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfgrovePatrick saw me yesterday morning...
I had had a dream that had disturbed me and caused me to sleep in later than normal.
Thus I was totally out of it when I passed him en route to my 8am class.
That dream went along something like this...
I was standing out in a parking lot in Columbus at night. I had gone to a movie with Matt, Patrick, Ashley, Mer, and some others, as has been planned most of this week. We had hit a little diner afterwards. (This not something that was part of the plan that had originaly been made.) The diner was not a Waffle House, but something similar.
Anyways, I was standing outside in the parking lot. A few of the others were nearby, talking among themselves, but I was standing separately from the group.
Someone came up behind me and put their hands on my shoulders. And a male voice next to my ear said "Hello Little One."
I turned to find myself looking directly into Dercesthai's bright blue eyes. He kept one hand on my shoulder and took my right wrist in in his left hand. "Things have been more difficult than could ever have been intended. And the time is almost gone. There's no reason to keep going on with this. Come with me. We have much to talk about."
I stepped back. I couldn't speak at all. He kept his hand gripped tightly on my wrist, without hurting it, and released my shoulder. My mind raced. I wanted to talk to him, but we were going to be leaving Columbus shortly, and I was depending on someone else for a ride back to Auburn. I couldn't speak, and I took another step back in silent argument.
I couldn't look anywhere but those glowing blue eyes. "Please. Come with me."
"Hey Becky? Who's that?" One of my friends called out. Patrick and Ashley walked over to stand beside us, and I could sense the others turning thier attention as well. "Who's this guy? A friend of yours?"
"Come with me."
I heard Ashley gasp in realization of who he was. Recognized from description and drawings. "Becky?"
Then Matt and the others walked over too. "Hey. And you are?"
Dercesthai completely ignored them. He pulled a pendant out from under his shirt, and held it carefully in his right hand. The pendant seemed to glow in my view, and it seemed as though I couldn't even move then. "Come with me." The pendant looked like a spiral cut cone of opal, like the tip of a unicorn's horn.
He stepped forward and put his right arm around me, and leaned over so he was whispering into my ear. "I hate having to do this. Just... Just come with me. It will be better."
"Hey!" One of my friends put a hand on Dercesthai.
"Don't interfere." Derce's head jerked up to look at whoever had spoken.
"Why don't you leave her alone? Who are you?"
Dercesthai turned , still holding my wrist, his other arm around my shoulder, intending to walk away with me. I couldn't do anything, couldn't argue, couldn't pull away. It was like the pendant took away my free will. It was terrifying.
"Hey!" One of the guys. "Who the hell do you think you are?"
All my senses were cut. I couldn't see. I had a vague sense of movemernt, and I could hear everyone, but that was all I could do. I counldn't even argue with Dercesthai as he started to walk away with me.
"Becky...?" Ashley's voice. "Matt... Patrick...." She paused for a long moment, I felt the guys stop as though they had moved to stop Dercesthai a moment ago. "Where are you taking her?"
"Forget about all of this. It will be best."
And then I woke up.
The complete lack of control over myself had scared me. I got dressed and walked to class, just comletely out of it. Running into Patrick on the way to class.
Last night a group of us went out to Columbus to play Pump it Up and watch Once Upon a Time in Mexico. I made dinner for everyone, but John and Abby didn't eat with us, so it was Matt, Chibi (Mer), Patrick, Ashley and myself. Then we ended up going to a Steak 'n' Shake after the movie. Heh. Yup. That was the parking lot too. I paid my tab second, and walked out into the parking lot to wait on everyone else. Ashley, who'd paid first, followed me out. Patrick came out shortly after and tried to scare me by grabbing my shoulders from behind. Ashley had already made a good bit of noise about his intentionaly poor attempts to sneak up on the two of us. So it wasn't a surprise. But I smiled about it. I almost wanted to fall over laughing about it. Then all of us, but Ashley who has to work in Columbus today, headed back towards Auburn. Matt made a left turn on yellow right after getting off the interstate, and a cop pulled him over and said he ran a red light, and ticketed him. Meanie.
We got back to Niell House, John and Abbie were gone, but Patrick's car was still there with no sign of Patrick. This worried me a bit. I suggested that he might be up at Mary's or at Beau or Michelle's apartments, but Matt said that wouldn't be like him. And Matt and Mer headed off. I went in my apartment and took of my shoes and socks, and pulled on a big overshirt from my closet. I then got a call from Patrick asking where we were. He was up at Mary's apartment playing Chocobo Racing. Hah. ^_^ I went up and joined them, even tried Chocobo Racing. Y'know what? I suck at racing games. Then Patrick played Symphony of the Night briefly, and we headed over to my apartment where Mary and Patrick (he didn't eat at Steak n Shake) had some of more of the fried rice. We sat around and talked, and split up about 3am-ish.
Becky went to bed.
And then, this morning...
I woke up wanting to cry.
I had had a sad dream...
In the first part... It was the day my father had died. But I wasn't in Minnesota. I was in Alababma, coming home with my little brother from his high school. I had picked him up. There was some major news that we were coming home to hear, but I had no idea what. I was completely relaxed and happy. Even though in my concious mind, I knew what I was going home to learn. It was like sitting outside myself, watching my world right before it shattered. The landscape was just like the backroads leading to my home in form, but completely different. Everything was glowing in yellows and golds, and soft reds, like light was trying to burst out of everything. Even the sky was a gold with gentle white clouds. (It seems so silly, but I figure its all my mental symbolism.) Then the car just stopped, and to get the rest of the way home, we just got out of the car, and started across these gold and red glowing fields. There was no stress about the car trouble, though I knew it had broken down, I just kept going happily. (Maybe a contrast to the fact I had a minor accident, that wasn't even reported because there was no damage, shortly after getting to MN and stressed myself half to death over it?) And I ended up doing this weird thng I do in my dreams sometimes. I was holding my little brother's hand so he would have to do it as well, this kind of wind-hopping. I would jump up as a breeze came along, and actually ride the wind forward probably ten to twelve feet (it couldn't carry me farther than that), and the repeat the action. BJ was fighting doing it, and the back of my mind yelled at me, "Idiot, you'll upset him, this is like how Dad died!" (Which is untrue, but perhaps is related to the fact that after what happened happened, BJ had to go shoot on rifle team because of his scholarship?) But in the dream I didn't conciously know this, so I continued behaving that way, dragging him along. (I wonder how forced he felt by us to keep shooting?)
Then the next thing I knew, I was standing alone, unable to see anything but shades of grey and black, with dying flashes of the gold and red light completely fading out after a few times. As some cold voice told me that my father was dead. (I guess I could analyze this, but it sems fairly obvious... The "happy" world shattering to darkness, feeling alone [even though i know that I am not], and that feeling that the rest of the world doesn't care...)
And then it flashed to a knew place. Unfamiliar.
The lighting and colors was like the normal real world. (And I won't analyze the symbolism here.)
BJ and I were walking up a path next to these wooden buildings that seemed like an attempt to look old-fashioned. It felt touristy. It seemed we were headed to meet up with Mom and some others in front of one of these little shops. (It seems it was a family vacation?) Anyways, we arrived about the same time, BJ and I came to a stop in front of one of the buildings and Mom, Aunt Fran, and Aunt Jani were coming over a hill to meet us, talking and seeming happy. A little ways behind them, followed what I thought at first was Uncle Pat and Uncle Ken, talking aimably. (That would be the logical two males to be following this group.) But as the sunlight was no longer behind them, I could see it was my father and Uncle Ken walking and talking together. They seemed to be talking to a third person as well, whom I could not see. (As in the third was completely invisible to me.) They stopped in front of one of the shops a bit further back as BJ and I met Mom and my Aunts, and BJ greeted them. But I suddenly ran past them, towards my father, yelling "Dad" and "Daddy". My father turned and smiled at me, Uncle Ken looked a little surprised. The dream flashed to show my Mom, Aunts and brother looking at me strangely, and I realized, that just as I couldn't see the third person that was with my Father and Uncle, they couldn't see Dad. I came up to them and paused to look at the inviusible third. I couldn't see him, but I could sense precisely where he was, and that it was a he. I gave him a half-defeated smile, and it crossed my thoughts that this man might be Butch. That only lasted a moment and I turned and hugged my father and he hugged me back, picking me up off the ground in the process. I saw my Mom's face for a moment, she was smiling, understanding that Dad was there, even though she couldn't see him.
And then I sat bolt upright in bed, suddenly awake...
And wanting to cry.
"are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today"
- A few lyrics from Gravity.
I had had a dream that had disturbed me and caused me to sleep in later than normal.
Thus I was totally out of it when I passed him en route to my 8am class.
That dream went along something like this...
I was standing out in a parking lot in Columbus at night. I had gone to a movie with Matt, Patrick, Ashley, Mer, and some others, as has been planned most of this week. We had hit a little diner afterwards. (This not something that was part of the plan that had originaly been made.) The diner was not a Waffle House, but something similar.
Anyways, I was standing outside in the parking lot. A few of the others were nearby, talking among themselves, but I was standing separately from the group.
Someone came up behind me and put their hands on my shoulders. And a male voice next to my ear said "Hello Little One."
I turned to find myself looking directly into Dercesthai's bright blue eyes. He kept one hand on my shoulder and took my right wrist in in his left hand. "Things have been more difficult than could ever have been intended. And the time is almost gone. There's no reason to keep going on with this. Come with me. We have much to talk about."
I stepped back. I couldn't speak at all. He kept his hand gripped tightly on my wrist, without hurting it, and released my shoulder. My mind raced. I wanted to talk to him, but we were going to be leaving Columbus shortly, and I was depending on someone else for a ride back to Auburn. I couldn't speak, and I took another step back in silent argument.
I couldn't look anywhere but those glowing blue eyes. "Please. Come with me."
"Hey Becky? Who's that?" One of my friends called out. Patrick and Ashley walked over to stand beside us, and I could sense the others turning thier attention as well. "Who's this guy? A friend of yours?"
"Come with me."
I heard Ashley gasp in realization of who he was. Recognized from description and drawings. "Becky?"
Then Matt and the others walked over too. "Hey. And you are?"
Dercesthai completely ignored them. He pulled a pendant out from under his shirt, and held it carefully in his right hand. The pendant seemed to glow in my view, and it seemed as though I couldn't even move then. "Come with me." The pendant looked like a spiral cut cone of opal, like the tip of a unicorn's horn.
He stepped forward and put his right arm around me, and leaned over so he was whispering into my ear. "I hate having to do this. Just... Just come with me. It will be better."
"Hey!" One of my friends put a hand on Dercesthai.
"Don't interfere." Derce's head jerked up to look at whoever had spoken.
"Why don't you leave her alone? Who are you?"
Dercesthai turned , still holding my wrist, his other arm around my shoulder, intending to walk away with me. I couldn't do anything, couldn't argue, couldn't pull away. It was like the pendant took away my free will. It was terrifying.
"Hey!" One of the guys. "Who the hell do you think you are?"
All my senses were cut. I couldn't see. I had a vague sense of movemernt, and I could hear everyone, but that was all I could do. I counldn't even argue with Dercesthai as he started to walk away with me.
"Becky...?" Ashley's voice. "Matt... Patrick...." She paused for a long moment, I felt the guys stop as though they had moved to stop Dercesthai a moment ago. "Where are you taking her?"
"Forget about all of this. It will be best."
And then I woke up.
The complete lack of control over myself had scared me. I got dressed and walked to class, just comletely out of it. Running into Patrick on the way to class.
Last night a group of us went out to Columbus to play Pump it Up and watch Once Upon a Time in Mexico. I made dinner for everyone, but John and Abby didn't eat with us, so it was Matt, Chibi (Mer), Patrick, Ashley and myself. Then we ended up going to a Steak 'n' Shake after the movie. Heh. Yup. That was the parking lot too. I paid my tab second, and walked out into the parking lot to wait on everyone else. Ashley, who'd paid first, followed me out. Patrick came out shortly after and tried to scare me by grabbing my shoulders from behind. Ashley had already made a good bit of noise about his intentionaly poor attempts to sneak up on the two of us. So it wasn't a surprise. But I smiled about it. I almost wanted to fall over laughing about it. Then all of us, but Ashley who has to work in Columbus today, headed back towards Auburn. Matt made a left turn on yellow right after getting off the interstate, and a cop pulled him over and said he ran a red light, and ticketed him. Meanie.
We got back to Niell House, John and Abbie were gone, but Patrick's car was still there with no sign of Patrick. This worried me a bit. I suggested that he might be up at Mary's or at Beau or Michelle's apartments, but Matt said that wouldn't be like him. And Matt and Mer headed off. I went in my apartment and took of my shoes and socks, and pulled on a big overshirt from my closet. I then got a call from Patrick asking where we were. He was up at Mary's apartment playing Chocobo Racing. Hah. ^_^ I went up and joined them, even tried Chocobo Racing. Y'know what? I suck at racing games. Then Patrick played Symphony of the Night briefly, and we headed over to my apartment where Mary and Patrick (he didn't eat at Steak n Shake) had some of more of the fried rice. We sat around and talked, and split up about 3am-ish.
Becky went to bed.
And then, this morning...
I woke up wanting to cry.
I had had a sad dream...
In the first part... It was the day my father had died. But I wasn't in Minnesota. I was in Alababma, coming home with my little brother from his high school. I had picked him up. There was some major news that we were coming home to hear, but I had no idea what. I was completely relaxed and happy. Even though in my concious mind, I knew what I was going home to learn. It was like sitting outside myself, watching my world right before it shattered. The landscape was just like the backroads leading to my home in form, but completely different. Everything was glowing in yellows and golds, and soft reds, like light was trying to burst out of everything. Even the sky was a gold with gentle white clouds. (It seems so silly, but I figure its all my mental symbolism.) Then the car just stopped, and to get the rest of the way home, we just got out of the car, and started across these gold and red glowing fields. There was no stress about the car trouble, though I knew it had broken down, I just kept going happily. (Maybe a contrast to the fact I had a minor accident, that wasn't even reported because there was no damage, shortly after getting to MN and stressed myself half to death over it?) And I ended up doing this weird thng I do in my dreams sometimes. I was holding my little brother's hand so he would have to do it as well, this kind of wind-hopping. I would jump up as a breeze came along, and actually ride the wind forward probably ten to twelve feet (it couldn't carry me farther than that), and the repeat the action. BJ was fighting doing it, and the back of my mind yelled at me, "Idiot, you'll upset him, this is like how Dad died!" (Which is untrue, but perhaps is related to the fact that after what happened happened, BJ had to go shoot on rifle team because of his scholarship?) But in the dream I didn't conciously know this, so I continued behaving that way, dragging him along. (I wonder how forced he felt by us to keep shooting?)
Then the next thing I knew, I was standing alone, unable to see anything but shades of grey and black, with dying flashes of the gold and red light completely fading out after a few times. As some cold voice told me that my father was dead. (I guess I could analyze this, but it sems fairly obvious... The "happy" world shattering to darkness, feeling alone [even though i know that I am not], and that feeling that the rest of the world doesn't care...)
And then it flashed to a knew place. Unfamiliar.
The lighting and colors was like the normal real world. (And I won't analyze the symbolism here.)
BJ and I were walking up a path next to these wooden buildings that seemed like an attempt to look old-fashioned. It felt touristy. It seemed we were headed to meet up with Mom and some others in front of one of these little shops. (It seems it was a family vacation?) Anyways, we arrived about the same time, BJ and I came to a stop in front of one of the buildings and Mom, Aunt Fran, and Aunt Jani were coming over a hill to meet us, talking and seeming happy. A little ways behind them, followed what I thought at first was Uncle Pat and Uncle Ken, talking aimably. (That would be the logical two males to be following this group.) But as the sunlight was no longer behind them, I could see it was my father and Uncle Ken walking and talking together. They seemed to be talking to a third person as well, whom I could not see. (As in the third was completely invisible to me.) They stopped in front of one of the shops a bit further back as BJ and I met Mom and my Aunts, and BJ greeted them. But I suddenly ran past them, towards my father, yelling "Dad" and "Daddy". My father turned and smiled at me, Uncle Ken looked a little surprised. The dream flashed to show my Mom, Aunts and brother looking at me strangely, and I realized, that just as I couldn't see the third person that was with my Father and Uncle, they couldn't see Dad. I came up to them and paused to look at the inviusible third. I couldn't see him, but I could sense precisely where he was, and that it was a he. I gave him a half-defeated smile, and it crossed my thoughts that this man might be Butch. That only lasted a moment and I turned and hugged my father and he hugged me back, picking me up off the ground in the process. I saw my Mom's face for a moment, she was smiling, understanding that Dad was there, even though she couldn't see him.
And then I sat bolt upright in bed, suddenly awake...
And wanting to cry.
"are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today"
- A few lyrics from Gravity.
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Interesting...
Date: 2003-09-13 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-13 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-13 07:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-13 08:12 pm (UTC)