Concluding the story...
Jul. 13th, 2003 12:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfgroveThere's opinion questions at the end. It's really REALLY important to me to have those answered! Even if you only answer one or two!
It begins Here
<< Previous
***
It was almost a month later, and Lesley found himself carefully laying a folder full of e-mail print offs atop his laptop in its case. He brushed a hand thoughtfully through his turquoise hair, each print off had notes scribbled on the edges, and every last one was a new spell sent by Lady Branwyn Atrus. He and Kira had practiced every spell until they were both quite skillful with them. If this woman knew this stuff, he wanted to at least be able to handle those spells when he met her. It made him feel less helpless to understand how they at least seemed to work. There was a degree of logic and science, even to magic. Kira had photocopies of all the print offs and notes in a folder of her own.
Lesley zipped up the laptop case and walked over to place it atop the suitcase on his bed. "Kira should get here soon." He said to no one in particular. He knew better than to think he was alone in his apartment anymore, various spirits and pixies were attracted to people with Fae blood. When he and Kira had learned how to sense them, they found their apartments positively overrun with sprites and sylphs.
He turned and walked over to the mirror over his dresser and leaned over, looking deeply into his own eyes. The last traces of his pupils were almost gone. The magic use really had faded them out. His gold eyes seemed even brighter without the black orbs providing a contrast. It was amazing really, if anything, his eyesight was better than ever, not worse for it. He'd been getting away with wearing sunglasses around most of the time, and his newfound observation that people really don't look each other in the eyes often. Kira was lucky with her brown eyes; it took someone longer to notice a lack of pupils in her dark eyes.
He the wrapped a strand of hair around one finger, "There's no way Dad's not going to notice. Kody might not, but Dad will. I bet he's been watching us for stuff like this. Especially me, I got Mother's hair and eyes."
"So what if he does notice," Kira piped up from behind him. "That means he'll have to talk to you about her. If he wants to say anything about it at all."
"It'd be just like him to not say anything about it for months too," Lesley turned with a sardonic smile.
"He's not perfect Lesley. I mean... I'm sure our parents had good reasons for never telling us about... it."
"Right."
Kira picked Lesley's sunglasses up off the bed and tossed them to him. "Well? Ready to head out wizard boy?"
He caught the glasses with little effort. "Yeah. You get to meet my Dad, then I get to meet yours."
"Maybe I should ask him for your hand in marriage..." She mused, and hefted her own suitcase from the floor.
Lesley put on the sunglasses then walked over to pick up his bags, and took Kira's suitcase from her as well. "Come on Kira, we've got a long drive."
Kira blinked in surprise, then smiled sweetly. "You're blushing Lesley."
"Well, you're making such ridiculous jokes!" He staggered slightly under the weight of the bags as he walked out of the apartment, Kira following behind him.
It begins Here
It was almost a month later, and Lesley found himself carefully laying a folder full of e-mail print offs atop his laptop in its case. He brushed a hand thoughtfully through his turquoise hair, each print off had notes scribbled on the edges, and every last one was a new spell sent by Lady Branwyn Atrus. He and Kira had practiced every spell until they were both quite skillful with them. If this woman knew this stuff, he wanted to at least be able to handle those spells when he met her. It made him feel less helpless to understand how they at least seemed to work. There was a degree of logic and science, even to magic. Kira had photocopies of all the print offs and notes in a folder of her own.
Lesley zipped up the laptop case and walked over to place it atop the suitcase on his bed. "Kira should get here soon." He said to no one in particular. He knew better than to think he was alone in his apartment anymore, various spirits and pixies were attracted to people with Fae blood. When he and Kira had learned how to sense them, they found their apartments positively overrun with sprites and sylphs.
He turned and walked over to the mirror over his dresser and leaned over, looking deeply into his own eyes. The last traces of his pupils were almost gone. The magic use really had faded them out. His gold eyes seemed even brighter without the black orbs providing a contrast. It was amazing really, if anything, his eyesight was better than ever, not worse for it. He'd been getting away with wearing sunglasses around most of the time, and his newfound observation that people really don't look each other in the eyes often. Kira was lucky with her brown eyes; it took someone longer to notice a lack of pupils in her dark eyes.
He the wrapped a strand of hair around one finger, "There's no way Dad's not going to notice. Kody might not, but Dad will. I bet he's been watching us for stuff like this. Especially me, I got Mother's hair and eyes."
"So what if he does notice," Kira piped up from behind him. "That means he'll have to talk to you about her. If he wants to say anything about it at all."
"It'd be just like him to not say anything about it for months too," Lesley turned with a sardonic smile.
"He's not perfect Lesley. I mean... I'm sure our parents had good reasons for never telling us about... it."
"Right."
Kira picked Lesley's sunglasses up off the bed and tossed them to him. "Well? Ready to head out wizard boy?"
He caught the glasses with little effort. "Yeah. You get to meet my Dad, then I get to meet yours."
"Maybe I should ask him for your hand in marriage..." She mused, and hefted her own suitcase from the floor.
Lesley put on the sunglasses then walked over to pick up his bags, and took Kira's suitcase from her as well. "Come on Kira, we've got a long drive."
Kira blinked in surprise, then smiled sweetly. "You're blushing Lesley."
"Well, you're making such ridiculous jokes!" He staggered slightly under the weight of the bags as he walked out of the apartment, Kira following behind him.
Okay, questions that I really want answered. I know some are repetitive, but bear with me please.
1. Is this too much of a cliffhanger to leave it at, or is it a decent stopping place? Your answers won't decide whether or not more gets written, I just want honest answers.
2. Okay, all things considered, was this a fairly self-contained short story? What could've made it more self-contained if it wasn't?
3. What impressions did you get of the characters? What kind of person is Kira? Lesley? I had a really hard time pinning down heir personalities/demeanors, so I want to know how they came across. Anything, likes, dislikes, tendency of behavior, cat or dog person, let me know.
4. What do you think other people, strangers or classmates, view Kira and Lesley (as individuals)? I mean the waitress hit on Lesley even though he's out at breakfast with a girl, how do you think people see these two? How do guys treat Kira maybe?
5. What do you think Lesley and Kira's relationship is? What do you think it should be? Why do you think that there is a difference between the two (if there is)?
6. For those of you who know me... Do Kira or Lesley seem to be based off of real people that I know? They are some of the few main characters I've done in a long time that started with no real life basis of design, did I accidentally end up basing them off someone?
7. What questions do you have? What were you left wondering? (I don't care if it is obvious, say it.)
8. It's still untitled, what would you name the story?
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I'm going to hell.....
Date: 2003-07-12 10:50 pm (UTC)Re: I'm going to hell.....
Date: 2003-07-19 11:31 pm (UTC)Dante's inferno is all based on his own idea of hell, and he's a bit on the extreme side.
Answers
Date: 2003-07-14 09:42 am (UTC)1) It's good for a first chapter ending... but I'm afraid I want more! A little too much on the abrupt ending side.
2) Good character development and understanding. Again, not sure it should be left just where it is though.
3) Err... I'll have to talk to you about this one, I have too much to say.
4) See three.
5) See four.
6) Good job creating unique characters. I can't really see any basis on real life people.
7) ....
8) Colored Pasts
Re: Answers
Date: 2003-07-19 11:29 pm (UTC)I guess I ought to sit and talk to you on this, huh?
Love the icon by the by. ^_~
no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 03:58 pm (UTC)Realistically, I think it would need a bit more. this makes a good first chapter type ending, but it doesn't seem to be complete enough for a long break in the story yet.
2. Okay, all things considered, was this a fairly self-contained short story? What could've made it more self-contained if it wasn't?
It's fairly self-contained, but does seem to need more filled in during the month they were practicing if you are leaving it there. In fairness, though I might have missed one of the stories since I have been offline the last week or so, but this does seem to pick up were I left off, but the jump seemed to abrupt.
3. What impressions did you get of the characters? What kind of person is Kira? Lesley? I had a really hard time pinning down heir personalities/demeanors, so I want to know how they came across. Anything, likes, dislikes, tendency of behavior, cat or dog person, let me know.
Well, it's a bit earlier to say, but Kira appears to be more spontanious, and well, I guess optomistic would be as good a word as any. Lesley on the other hand seems to be more of the "be prepared sort, and seems more pessimistic.
4. What do you think other people, strangers or classmates, view Kira and Lesley (as individuals)? I mean the waitress hit on Lesley even though he's out at breakfast with a girl, how do you think people see these two? How do guys treat Kira maybe?
*LOL* Sorry, I can't figure out what people think in real life, can't help you on this one.
5. What do you think Lesley and Kira's relationship is? What do you think it should be? Why do you think that there is a difference between the two (if there is)?
It appears to be a friendship based on similar backgrounds. the sort where people seem to have knoweach other all there lives even if they just met. Wouldn't surprise me if they tended to finish each others sentences or point something out the other was just about too.
As for what it should be well, it seems to be moving beyond friendship. which is probably the nature evolution.
7. What questions do you have? What were you left wondering? (I don't care if it is obvious, say it.)
What the heck happened during that month? Weren't there funny magic related accidents?
8. It's still untitled, what would you name the story?
Fae Bound (shrug, sorry titles aren't my strong suit)