Listen to what I mean, not what I say.

Mood: nauseated

I hate my body. I'm so stressed out about this weekend.
It's Carolyn & JohnY's last weekend actually living in MN, and oh yeah... It's Father's Day weekend. And the eleven month mark is Monday.
Why does this make me hate my body? Aside from being overweight... I've been feeling ill all week. I get this way when really stressed lately if I can't stay distracted. I spent a lot of today light-headed and nauseous. Food made me feel ill. So yeah. Hate my body.

John Paul is out late again. I hsave no clue as to how to locate the boy when he's out late. 12:30 and he wasn't back yet. His parents are back from the Prince concert. Morgan's been home pretty much the entire time. I just now heard JP called the ouse when she told her Mom. I feel guilty. I should have gone out and located JP before now, and now it's too late to be calling around. I've never babysat in my life. My brother and I were mucho independent at this age. I don't know how to handle kids. Liegh's upset, and now I feel guilty on top of sick. I don't know what I should('ve) done...
Liegh has located him, he's spending the night at a friends. Nice of the kid to inform everyone. I mean, Morgan even came and got my permission to go over to Sydney's (the next dor neighbor) for about 15 minutes. Really, I told her not to stay too late, and I had thought sounds of her returning + TV had also been JP. Stupid me. I apologized to Liegh for not searching the kid out already. I mean, this is he second time something like this has happened on mt watch. But Liegh says it's not my responsibilty. I still feel like a royal failure. I suck at younglings.

So... I'm working on a high-priority project at work, testing a new Agent Commisioning system, My team moves onto Gold campus Monday, we were ushered out of West at 2:15pm (I'll have to start commuting between buildings for meetings), feeling sick most days, and worrying about not getting in the way or being annoying to the Kaerchers while still being helpful.

The Yarbough Reunion is being held next weekend. I wish I could go, but that won't happen. There was no reunion last year because Fitzgerald had been sick.

And there's all this stuff where I've got to figure out how I'm driving back home... I don't know what I WANT to happen there. Ifeel like I'm going to get pushed into yet another I have no options corner.

BJ's in Cape Cod, no word on Mom's possible job this week, and she has no vacation, and I'll need someone to help me drive back South towards the end of July. Roberto is wanting to come up the 16th with me not leaving until the 24th. I think I'd bloody kill him. I'll be at work all week and wrapping up tsting stuff and SOAR Expos stuff. Not even to mention the 1 year anniversary. If i'm not going to be home, I have no intention of being sitting around the Kaercher's home that day either. After work I'll go bum around some bookstores or something, I don't want a freaking guest the 21st, I don't care who you are.

I don't know. And I have to give Mom 21 days notice to buy a plane ticket for someone to come up and make the drive back with me.
I just don't know.

It'd be nice if someone other than me initiated the conversations on AIM, Dusty and Michelle are the only ones who ever talk to me first. That could just be grumpy and sick talking here though. I haven't had 'net for the past 3 or 4 days anyway. Probably just lonely.

Feh. I'm bitchy this post. Sorry.

(no subject)

"Hi welcome to Becky's weekday Drive-At-Five calling list. How are you today?"
Yeah, due to hard time getting a cell phone signal around the K's house, I usually call one or two people on the drive home from work. Is funny. I kinda pick at random from my cell phone list.


Hey, Ashley told me "Wizards" is now on DVD (at Wal-Mart). Wow. Old classic for me. Watched it right along with the animated "The Last Unicorn" and "Flight of Dragons". Given Wizards is considerably more fucked up than the first two.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

- Robert Benchley

Mood: exhausted

Little Becky kidnapped me tonight to play "Pirates". This involved stealing trinkets from JP and Morgan's bathroom, and their individual bedrooms, as well as my bedroom. She was not happy when I wanted to go upstairs and visit my other cousins.

I guess I should back up a bit.
Thanks to everyone who talked to me last night after the bitchy post. I hope I wasn't too much of a pain. I crashed around 2am.
I slept in until 10am (Be proud of me Glit-chan). Laid about for a bit, then took a shower and got dressed to leave the house for a while. I just needed to not be sitting around here. Was told that Caroyln & John Y would be up for dinner around 5ish, as well as all thier kids and gran-kids.

I wandered about Southdale Mall then hit up a used bookstore I had gotten directions to. I aquired a nice hard-back copy of "Le Morte D'Arthur", and two fantasy novels that look somewhat promising, "War for the Oaks" by Emma Bull and "The Summer Country" by James Hetley. We'll see if they're any good or not.

Got back around 5:15 and talked to Ashley on the phone outside for a few minutes. Everyone came up a bit later. Carolyn, John Y, Johny & Mary, and Robbie, Robbie's 3 kids (including one named Becky), Johnny's daughter Grace. Along with Dave, Liegh, Morgan, JP, and Shawn (JP's friend). And later, a little boy, Andrew, who Morgan was babysitting joined the crowd. [That's 7 adults, and 8 younglings below the age of 15, not including me in the count at all.]

I'm just the right age that little cousins seem to think I'm the best thing since sliced bread almost no matter what dumb thing I do. Go figure. All very cute, but tiring. Grace turns 3 next week, and she's grown so much! She's adorable. She's going to be tall and thin like her daddy. I enjoyed talking to all the adults, and the kids were sweet, I just don't have the first clue how to handle them. John Paul and Morgan are at an age where we get along really well, when they're not testing boundaries at least.

Geh, so tired.
I think I shall crash soon.

Meh... Need to draw comics.