PE issue #38 -- I think this'll mean something to a few of you right now. Does to me at least.

[elfgrove]

There you go again, huh!?
What do you mean, "There you go again..?"
You! With your pushing away anyone who's willing to give a shit about you! You tried enough with me but can't cuz I live in your head! Otherwise, Id've been out of your life years ago! If Cassy hadn't died early enough you'd have done it to her, too!
Shut up!
But that's okay because now you canforever lament "She was the only one who really cared!" or, "She was the only one who really understood!" Because she went under before you could sabatoge things and hate her as much as you hate yourself!!!
Shut up!
It's that no one can know you! Then they'd see inside all those ugly closets, dark corners, know all your fears, see right into everything that's you and gives them reason to leave you, right!?!
That'd mean you need 'em, huh? And enough people you really needed have left you, taking little pieces of your soul with them, huh? 'Til sometimes you wonder...
Do you have anything left?
And if you do...
Is it the last piece of your heart?
And you won't let anyone take it again...
Goddammit...
Every frickin' time I come here...
Always...
Some fresh hell of emotions...
Yer a poor clown, Par...
.....
As much as you may find this amazing, I like you! A lot! And pal, you need someone to like you because while you may be a survivor, you sure do hate yourself for living! You come in here and I may make you face the things about you you hate, but if I didn't, those ugly truths would eat you alive... So I am!
An imp hiding from hell in your head whom no matter how much abuse you give me will still be here to care!!!


I dunno. There are days when I need to read something like this, and at the same time, there have been/are days when I want to get this message out to a few of you. You know who you are. And yes, this is to several of you.

So here I am for you...
A Jester of Hell... Here for head mantenance...
Adjusting your ID and arguing with your super ego...
And occansionally not screwing up.

Comments

[eldanildiel.livejournal.com]

I love Parintachin, and I think everyone needs to hear at one point or another that there's someone out there who's going to stick with them, no matter what. It's just one of those things that's so reassuring, even if you don't always want them around, they're always going to be there to catch you if you fall.