Close?... I can't be.... never...

[elfgrove]

I'm starting to really care about the people here... oh shit.. I'm in trouble.

Everyone I care about seems to be getting hurt physically or mentally, even dying, a lot recently. I need to distance myself from people. Best way to keep them safe. I have a strange feeling that i'm gonna have to deal with Guinuana again soon. I don't want to put anyone in danger... and her threat to me... I know exactly who's gonna be in the greatest danger. I hope I can handle another confrontation. I can't afford to lose.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

You can't go though life alone. I know i have tried. You cannot take responsibilty for the safety of everyone. This is going to sound cinical but everyone dies, you had no control the events of the past years. You can only fight the battles that you are at, you have no control over the ones that happen around the world. Beside it is good to have allies, you never know when they might come in handy.

just my thoughts

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

I know I can't go through life alone, I do have friends, there's just a certain level of distance I try to maintain... It doesn't wrk to well. I end up caring anyways, even when they don't care about me.

You don't know me too well... That's exactly what I do. I try to "take responsibilty for the safety of everyone." It may be a dumb move, but that's just how I am. I can't say it makes me happy, it doesn't, but it does too. It's how I am, it's how I am used to being.

And allies, I'd probably cause them more harm than good.

[(Anonymous)]

if maintaining a distance does work why do it? caring is what seperates you from the monster you fight. If you don't care, you become what you hate. i make the assumtion that you are not a supreme being so you are just setting yourself up for failure by asuming responsiblity for everyones safety. and there are some of us who believe that we can handle our own safety without you. someone once said that life is pain, success is depends on how well you deal with it.

As for allies, anyone who is willing to help should not be turned away just because of what might happen. your computer might explode and kill you but that doesn't stop you from using it.

think about it

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

No, you're right. I'm not a supreme being. It's not that I really expect myself to not care, it's more of a situation where I try not to show it. If people start caring about me, I worry that they'll get hurt in the end because of it. I don't really want to not care about people; I know I can't do that. But, the fewer people who would be a deeply hurt if I were to dissapear, the fewer people who care enough about me to be a target for my enemies... the better.

I'm used to pain, and handling it on my own. I simply can't get used to the idea of causing or not being able to prevent it.

No they shouldn't be thrown away because of what might happen. I do have an ally or two. But I try to keep it at a minimum, why put an army at risk when only one or two must fight?

[dustyx.livejournal.com]

I once had the same view. I never showed my weaknesses, because inside I had to be so strong. To keep those I cared from falling. I once never showed that I really cared. But when left alone and no-one to be strong for, the stone itself can crumble. I feared getting close to anyone because I thought myself that being close to anyone caused them to hurt or to die because that is all that ever happened to anyone close to me. I know of at least 13 people I've lost to that evil curse of death. A sick painful cycle since when I was 7 and lost the first person in my life. It has only been recently that I even began to let myself to be truly close to anyone and have a deep bond. Prior to ever letting anyone get close, Pain itself was my only companion. It has been only now that I let my emotions and feelings surface and show my trueself to anyone. But to say that I never cared is an understatement. As much as or as little as I may really know, I do care and would always help. Pain is a constant emotion in life, preventing it is impossible. I can minimize the pain so much but there must be pain. So much I would do for one like you, one who I considered a friend. Don't shut everyone out, there are quite a few who know how to deal and accept pain.

~dX

Don't worry about it.

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

I'm used to being how I am. Changing would be to hard. I am, strange as it sounds, relatively content in my current situation.

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

By the by. Who are you? Just curious if I know you or not.

[(Anonymous)]

who am i? what a profound question. I am someone who is familiar with pain, some one know what it is like to watch those I love get hurt and not be able to help. I know what is like to live life alone constantly on guard and ready for the expected ambush, that is always coming. but that doesn't begin to scratch the surface of who i am. I am just a freak of nature

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

I shall assume this means I haven't known you prior to this... which was the original intent of that question.