Stupid Questions Time...

[elfgrove]

What is the point when you're no longer innocent? When are you no longer that sweet child that looked at the person next to you on the street and couldn't even dream that they might not be nice... Or maybe I'm just asking when you stopped being a child. What was the turning point in your life when you honestly no longer saw yourself as a child? I'm not talking about typical teenage anger yelling, "I'm not a kid anymore!" ... Or maybe I am... I don't really know.

I suppose innocence is most often considered to be lost with virginity, but I think people stop being innocent of the world long before that now. Is it the first time you see violence? The first time you see a dead person? That moment you comprehend mortality? The first time you live away from your parents? The time when the all important question of "why?" has an inappropriate time to be asked? When you know to keep your mouth shut about something? When your parents stop being perfect? When your dad is no longer invincible? When kisses stop making things "all better"? When Scooby Doo talking stops making perfect sense (without believing that the writer intended it to appear that the entire group on the show was on drugs)?
The movie "The Crow" suggested that you're an adult the moment you know you're going to die.
John J. Plomp said "You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers."

Honestly I don't know, I really just want opinions I think. A day or two ago, my parents were complaining about "the kids'" behavior on our trip to Gatlinburg. (My little brother and his friend were monsters.) And I looked at them and said something to the effect of how I loved being automatically grouped in as part of the problem when Chi misbehaved. My parents then told me they didn't consider me as falling in the kids grouping anymore. I never thought I hear them say that.
That's why I've been thinking about it. I realized I've been saying phrases like, "when I was little" or "when I was a kid" for years now. It's strange. I can't help but think when did that turning point come? How did I miss it? Heh. Things change under our noses and we never think about it until it's gone. I think my turning point came around six years ago now. Things stopped being simple, my actions suddenly had a lot of consequences, and that thin line between life and death was very very much a real thing... I don't know.

Comments

[dustyx.livejournal.com]

I knew over twelve years ago. The first time I saw someone die. The first time I saw a dead body, the first time my dad wasn't invicible. I realized then that the world wasn't as perfect as it seemed. I knew then that the world wasn't perfect but I'd be strong for the people who needed me, when I was forced to be a man. But as I grew later and leared, I wasn't what a man actually was, I was a warrior.

~dX

I guess I haven't been here very long.

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that you've known for so long. I already knew that about you(you've mentioned it), but it is still a sad thing.
Kind of dissapointing, that moment where you realize being an adult and what you are as a warrior aren't always the same.

It wan't that I didn't already know I was a warrior or fairly mature at that time those years ago, but it was that turning point where I stopped being able to see myself as a child, you know?

The amount of time doesn't matter, its what you do when you get there

[dustyx.livejournal.com]

It's sad, but better me than someone else, maybe someone who couldn't handle it. And it's a lot different loss than anyone really imagines until it has happened. Not a day goes by that I don't remeber what happened, every moment of the night lives fresh and clear in my mind. Nothing is ever the same again, part of me died that night and I knew it was something I'd never get back.

I don't talk about it much as to not drudge that memory up. I never really told anyone because I'd get sympathy and sympathy to me is useless, perhaps saved better for someone who needs it. Because sympathy for what has happened to me won't bring me strength, won't bring back what died either, as if a useless attempt to fix something that's forever shattered.

~dX

Re:

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

Understood.

I know you don't want to hear it, but you have to talk to someone once in a while, warrior or no, so just know that I'm here. I don't want to sympathize, I know that's annoying, but i'm an open ear, and don't worry about burdening me, even though I know you would. If you ever need anything, I make a decent sounding board.

[tathaenhi.livejournal.com]

I think for me it was when I realized that the world wasn't here for my benefit. It might sound pretty self centered, but MOST kids have very little concept of a world completely outside themselves. I sure didn't. I was the center of my universe, and I had no idea that anything was any different. When I was about 13 or 14 I started to clue in.

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

That doesn't sound self-centered. Makes perfect sense to me. There's a point where everyone has to realize that.

[lindsaybits]

i don't know exactly when i lost my innocence. in some ways, i like to think that i haven't. there are parts of me that remain simple and innocent. i try to keep those parts that way. i grew up too damn quickly, and lost most of my innocence before i was 12. didn't lose my virginity until i was 18, though, so i don't tend to associate sex with loss of innocence.

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about keeping certain aspects of yourself that remain innocent, that you want to remain that way. I have certain things i'm still pretty innocent-minded about.
I don't really associate sex with loss of innocence myself either, but I know some people do, so I figured I ought to mention it in my list.

[eldanildiel.livejournal.com]

I lost my innocence when I was eight and I moved to a place where everyone disliked me because of the way I dressed and the way I talked and the way I looked. I guess I figured out, then, for the first time, that people weren't always going to be kind. I learned that people can be cruel and hateful for no other reason than the fact that they feel like it. It took me a few minutes to recall when I first lost my innocence, because since it's been so long, at times, I feel like I've never had the innocence of a child.

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

That's sad to hear it was so long ago. Somehow i'm not surprised. The world and it's inhabitants can really be a bitch.

After so long, it's not surprising to know that you don't really recall having the innocence of a child.

hmmm

[(Anonymous)]

Going by that definition, I lost my innocence at at 6 1/2.

I always equated loss of innocence with safety though. And my feeling of loss of safety was a gradual process.


-Iniach

Re: hmmm

[eldanildiel.livejournal.com]

Well, even by the loss of safety definition, it was still at age eight. That's when I felt like nothing was certain, and I knew that, ultimately, control of your own life is an illusion. I didn't feel safe in my own home anymore, because it wasn't really my home (I'm a preacher's kid), and I wasn't safe in my school, because I was constantly teased about my size, clothes, age, weight, etc. Church wasn't even safe, because the kids didn't like me, didn't trust me, didn't know me, and didn't want to know me. So, even by your definition, that's when I lost it.

[anglachel.livejournal.com]

I guess that for some people maybe puberty(too many things change at once there), first exposure to drugs(and no caffine doesn't count, maybe it could), or a first job(or responsibility in general).

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

could be.