Gah!!!!!!!

[elfgrove]

I don't know whether to be hurt or insulted, or both.

I know I play a violent person at club. I know it.
I know I pretend to have a quick temper.
I also know that I rarely feel any of it.
As I said, I PLAY a violent person.
I pretend.
I make joking threats, just as half the club members do,
And occasionally I get up and lightly thump someone's head.
I genuinely mean lightly, it doesn't hurt, hell I occasionally get the hey, I didn't feel that, try again.
Occasionally I'll throw a feinted punch or kick when people go overly far with the jokes.
I don't expect the people who've only been there a few weeks to understand it's all an act just because everyone else does.
I don't.
And when they start making fun of elves, the specific biases that really annoy me (happy, bouncy, singing, planting flowers, tralala), I know they don't know better, and I don't get truly angry.
But it is a point of principle.
The club members know that is one of my sore spots.
It's part of the play.
I have to get up and feint a punch.
It's not the first time these guys have had me feint a punch at them.
I always pull my punches and kicks. Half the time, I won't ever actually touch you.
But as I said.
I don't expect them to realize when I come at them it's a joke, not the first few times.
I do expect someone who's been bragging about how they're so great at fighting for half the night to notice that when they block with all thier might, the hit they blocked had no power behind it.
I expect the light kick at someone to stop at blocking instead of going into a full out tumble where I'm doing everything I can to not genuinely hurt them.
I expect them to not drag a second martial artist into it and almost get all three of us hurt because he's really twisting and kicking and trying to hurt us, and we're trying not to break his neck or smash a kidney on instinct. Meanwhile, he's trying to make my leg bnd the wrong way while I'm trying to disengage the situation.
If it goes that far...
That's fine.
It happens sometimes.
I do expect these people who've bragged about knowing how to fight to realize they were the only ones genuinely trying to fight.
I expect them to realize that the blow was pulled back to nothing and if any harm was done, it was to me because I wasn't serious and they were.
I expect them to not try to coddle me with, "Oh? Did I hurt you just by blocking?"
I expect them not to make fun of my ability to fight because I was feinting and they weren't.
I expect them to realize that they were the only one fighting when it's over.
Not to make fun of and baby me.
That truly angered me.
Gene is lucky I didn't seriously damage him when he tried to start a tumble with me.
And even luckier that when Beau got caught in it that Beau stopped himself from taking out the boy's kidneys.
Drew. Gods damn it. Never pretend you know shit about fighting in front of me ever again.
You overblocked. And yes, my wrist did sting for a moment as a result. But don't baby me then tell me I'm so weak and I shouldn't have tried that.
Gene, don't laugh that you knocked me down and you didn't get hurt.
Screw both of you right now.

I'm insulted that you made fun of me.
I'm insulted that you thought I really tried to hurt you.
I'm angry for the same reasons.

Yeah. You didn't know at first.
But how dare you brag about taking a punch designed to be easily blocked, and if not blocked, to have no force to start with.
How dare you.

It's very much against my personal code to hurt people without good reason.
Just a note for the future.
I wouldn't hurt you or anyone else over something that stupid.

--------------------------------
I may seem like an asshole here.
Maybe I am one.
But there's a certain air that rules at club.
And one major part is that despite all the threats and whaps and jokes, no one is ever genuinely trying to hurt.

Comments

[radarig.livejournal.com]

I'll rant here too, by golly.

I dunno if Drew or Gene have LJs, or will read this . . . but I'll post anyway.

I don't mind Gene at all . . . he's generally rather quiet. But Drew . . . he's been getting on my nerves the past two meetings. The first meeting, I pushed it off as his trying to make a good first impression. You know, with the whole set of "replacing Matt" jokes and whatnot. The thing is . . . I think he's actually serious about it.

Mrf . . . this pissed me off in some subliminal way, because I think Matt's fucking hilarious, in a way that someone is just because they *are*. Drew's just been trying too hard . . . all of his jokes sound like he prepared them or something, you even hear him reusing them after a while. I dunno.

As far as the elf jokes (which I *know* he knows better than) . . . God (Heh, you say "Gods", but I say "God" as sort of an afterthough. I'm more or less agnostic for now . . . one of my goals of college was to find a religion I felt worked with me . . . but still I say "God" out of habit. Maybe I should start saying "Godless" or something for now. XD ... ending rant.) ...less. ^_~ ... Sigh ... I mean, I don't know shit about them either, but I could tell you obviously felt strongly, so after one elf comment (I think ... several weeks ago. You bared your fist at me. ^_~) I stopped making any further comments. Some people just have no ability to tell what offends and when to stop, especially in this corner of America.

Its kind of hard for me to relate ... but the closest I have to that was when my history teacher was going over ancient Greece, and mentioned the bisexuality aspect. Only, he presented it in a way that implied all men were raging homo-pedophiles. This got lots of laughter in the class, and I raised my hand, intending to bitch him out, but he never got over to me and moved on. Its my fucking culture, and I know how it worked better than that ass does, apparently, history doctorate be damned.

What *really* pisses me off is that he probably knew, but chose to go for the laugh. That's (the roundabout) way of getting back to the jokes at club ...

Where am I going with this? I forget. Just venting is good for your emotions though. ^_^
Oh, and hope you enjoy the IY eps. ^_~

~George~

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

I don't know about them having LJs if thy do. And it doesn't matter, people rant for themselves, not for the sake of the rant's target.

Mmm. I understand about the "replacing Matt" bit. I consider Matt a very good friend, so I really don't appreciate the concept of replacment. You don't try to replace people. You should try to just be yourself. No one wants him to be Matt. As everyone keeps pointing out, Matt is his own special extreme, hard to top, and he shouldn't be trying to emulate it. Matt should be Matt, Drew should be Drew. Drew needs to let that be that way. And given time, I think he will. We don't let people get around by just copying someone else at club. We find ways to get you to be your own person. It'll happen to Drew too. I believe in that groups ability to bring out a real part of each person there, you may not get a whole, and what you get may be an extreme version of that part, but it's still a true part.

Gods, well, I believe in multiple gods, so I say gods rather than god. I know some people who say Goddess or Lord and Lady instead. They say what fits thier belief, but because God is so commonly used, you actually have to train it a little to replace the usage in your vocabulary. Yeah. I get ticked about mocking elves, it's a complex thing, but at club I do take it more lightly. As I said, I got up and did that more out of principle than actual anger.

*G* Just stop and talk to the teacher outside of/just after class, he'll probably correct himself during the next classtime. I've had similar pronblems before. Sometimes they honestly didn't think about it being offensive, and they were only trying to get the class involoved.

I will enjoy the IY.
Thank you!

[saintlychocobo.livejournal.com]

Eh, well, I remember when I said something at the club once(yet, I don't remember what it was... but it wasn't about elves, I know that much), you started a slow trek over to my seat to bop me. I'm really afraid of any pain that doesn't come through the course of living normally, so I was frightened and cowering because I was about to get hit. I didn't know how hard, and I didn't feel like being touched by anything at that time, so eh... Maybe other people are the same in that aspect. Also, you didn't know I was frightened and cowering at that point. You probably thought I was joking. Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that emotions and intentions are easily misunderstood on both sides. It's not really a problem that can be fixed, just remedied occasionally by exaggeration in their direction.

As long as I know what I'm being hit for, I don't mind it. Yeah! Kick my ass!

--Choco

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

Fluffy. Very different situation with you. I'm not mad at the _initial_ misunderstanding of intent. I'm mad that they never realized it. You and everyone one else realize, at least after the fact, that I wasn't really going to hurt you. And you don't brag about me being weak for not hurting you.

*hugs*
Don't worry about this. I'll handle it.

[saintlychocobo.livejournal.com]

Hey, there are good apples, and bad apples. What use are the bad ones if they're just going to get worse? Best to dispose of the bad ones carefully where their smell won't reach the good ones, I say.

Personal opinions. Yeah, I'm bloated with them o_o; *skitters*

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

Eh. I'll give them another chance.
I don't think they're bad apples, just poor decisions.

[eldanildiel.livejournal.com]

Well, you know I'm fully aware of where you're coming from. I understand, probably better than a lot of people, how opposed you are to actually injuring anyone. I mean, you know I totally come across as a violent person, and I feel like if I can hit you without seriously injuring you (Aaron for example) I probably will, but it's not because I dislike you, because I've honestly never tried to seriously injure anyone and I feel horrible if I do hurt somebody. Of course, I don't know the guys that this occurred with, but I feel the need to take a moment and say that people like that drive me crazy. It's people who seem drunk with their own power. People who are like, 'I can take on the world, I'm indestructable'. Especially the people who get that way after about a month of martial arts and having the sensei go easy on them or something like that. I can't help but feel that people like that seriously do need to get their butts kicked just to let them know that they aren't all powerful. I mean, if you think about it it'd actually be doing them a favor and keeping them from getting caught in a situation where someone actually IS serious. I dunno, if you need me to I'll come down and beat them. ^_^ Nobody but nobody hurts my friends!

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

I was fairly certain you would understand how I felt. I know i'm not extremely strong, especially at physically combat. I only had a little over a summer's worth of training under Elm-sensei. But I have a strong pride, and I don't like being mocked when I was holding back.
And Well. "Exactly!" about the hurting people thing.

[nephychu.livejournal.com]

I like elves.  More surface area to play with on their ears.

I like girls who can make me yelp without critically injuring me.

I like you.

... As we all are well aware, my opinion is the only one that matters so forget about everyone else and hug yourself for me.  Hug until you smile and feel warm inside and forget how wankerish behavior can make anyone go -_-'  And if you start to remember, go up to the nearest mirror: wink at yourself, give a used car salesman grin, and do the finger-pistol-point getures with a click of the tongue.

If you don't giggle you're not doing it right. ;P

[elfgrove.livejournal.com]

^_^
As always, you manage to lift my spirits Neph.
Thank you.