It seems so at least...
I ended up going to the Pantheon dinner thing.
No regrets. It was very nice to spend that little bit of extra time with those people. I really do care about them. Maybe it's stupid because I am risking being hurt, but I can't help but to care about them. I gave Amber the poster of StoneHenge i've been meaning to give to her since winter break, and I gave Brett my most recent medicine bag. I hope they like them.
Only one thing didn't come out too great. I mentioned the idea of Otherkin to the Pantheon kids at the Blue Bagel. I didn't present it as I was one, I said that i'd come across an interesting online community and asked if they'd ever heard of it. I then proceeded to describe it to them.
Cliff started laughing. Gods... I thought I was going to get angry with him or just get up and run out. I rememer his reaction more so than anyone else's because he was sitting right across from me. I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone else's face. I was afraid that they would laugh too, I can't remember if they were or not. Probably were. I laughed some myself and said something to the effect of "yeah, but they're really interesting to talk too." Cliff told me that "interesting" was probably the best word to use for groups like that. He added that it was possible, but he had always been incarnated as a human. The initial reaction hurt though. Christina added that people are always telling her how elf-like or pixie-ish she is. Cliff laughed and agreed and joked about imagining her just phasing out and back in, and how he would ask her how her trip was.
Feh. Nevermind. I'm stronger than this. I don't care. I am what I am and do not regret it. I was only sad to hear that from Cliff. But it is a hard idea to swallow; I understand. He's too nice a person for me to get angry about it, everyone who was there is.
Heh. This from a girl who still holds a grudge against a guy for a comment he made when I was 12. Of course it was a bad comment and he only got worse through the years, but I never really gave him a second chance after that. Heh. Perhaps i'm no longer the queen of grudges.
After the Blue Bagel I walked bay to the Student Union to catch the last tape of the Anime Club meeting. Cliff was giving a ride home to everyone, but I opted to walk. I like walking after my meetings, gives me time to think.
At the last of the Anime Club meeting, it turns out Matt will be making dinner Saturday and we scheduled to meet for ice cream on dead day where Matt could come, so Chris won't make it. It should be nice though.
"You are extremely avoiding the contact of the first kind. Do you fear to feel other people?
Being ignorant of others, you will never be either betrayed nor hurt, though you'll never
escape from feeling loneliness. A person cannot erase that forever... However, people can forget, and thus are able to live." |
- Kaoru Nagisa, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Damn. Why was the chorus to this song stuck in my head on the way to Anime Club from the Blue Bagel?
~ SONG ~
And then he went to the roof
Where his threats ring loud and clear
Gonna jump, Gonna jump
Gonna die this year